3.5 years ago Adam and I started trying to get pregnant. We were naive enough to think that we would have success on our first try. Even with our sperm issues we both held out lots of hope that all we would need is one great super sperm. After a few months of trying our family dr referred us to an OB/GYN who assured us that all we needed was an IUI. We did 2 cycles of that with no luck and lots of heart ache. The week we were suppose to find out if we were pregnant my cousin called to say she was pregnant. I was heart broken. I became pissed off at the world and I took it out on my cousin. I was a horrible bitch. I have since made retribution with her and I love her little girl more than I ever thought was possible to love another. So after the 2 failed IUI's we tried one cycle with Clomid which was a waste of time since our issue was male factor. We were referred to a uroligist in Hamilton who might have some insight as to what to do for Adam's sperm. Other than suggesting we freeze some sperm before Adam's supply completely ran out which they were not sure exactly when that might happen he was no help. In the meantime I became frantic. I researched and researched everything on testicular failure but everything I read confirmed what the drs had said all along... Testicular failure was irreversible.
The only chance we would have to get pregnant would be possibly IVF with ICSI or very possibly sperm donor. We did not have the money for IVF ($10,000) and sperm donor which was much cheaper was an option Adam was not open to . So I searched for any way to have $10000 fall into my lap. I thought about going to the mall in our city and asking every person that walked out for $1. Listen, I was a women on a mission, I was desperate to have a baby. I found a program that would allow me to donate my ovum in return for an IVF cycle for us. I very quickly signed up but the government decided that being compensated for ovum was unethical so they exnayed that plan. Bastards. So I was back to square one. Passing each cycle with little fan fare. But lots of tears. In April 2004, the government decided to "grandfather" all those in the ova donation program and allow them to utilize the program within 18 months. Yeah our prayers were being answered. Now it was just waiting for a couple to choose my eggs. In the meantime I was approved for gastric bypass and decided that it was more important for me to get my weight in check before I have a baby. Besides all the dr's kept telling us loose weight blah blah blah!!! And I knew when I was with my cousin's baby how hard it was for me to keep up with her. I could not be the kind of mother I wanted to be with 115 extra pounds on my body. I knew it would be about 18 months before I could get pregnant and I was ok with that because I knew I had not been selected yet and could donate my eggs and the clinic would keep my money on account for me till I was ready. It was a win win situation. So I had the surgery with the prospects of motherhood. 3 weeks after the surgery, I was chosen. We decided to go the cycle in November with retrieval in December. I went through the drug protocols with no problems but with very poor response to the drugs. I only had 6 ovum retrieved. That was a disappointment. I wanted the recipient couple to have a better chance than that. As it turned out those people wasted $6000 on that cycle because all the eggs were of such poor quality that they could not fertilize any of them. (They also found a cyst on my right ovary that no one seemed concerned about.) We now had an egg issue. They could not tell us what happened. Was it my age.... Probably not, lousy cycle... Could be, bad eggs all around... Maybe. But, to spend $6000 on our own cycle with this history...They told us not the best option. Take the money and put it towards adoption. So we went full steam ahead with adoption we read books and spoke to social workers then we read about open adoption and the brakes were applied. We were not comfortable with that option at all. I went back to our clinic and asked them about Embryo adoption. It sounded like a win win too, while the embryo would not be genetically related to us we would be able to experience a pregnancy and have a baby right from birth. Yes, that was the option for us. We were approved for that in February and then we were to just wait.
Well my period came February 6th and I had to come home on the 9th because of a Kotex malfunction. LOL. On February 18th I had great Egg White Cervical Mucus (which was the first since the egg retrieval) we had a fun baby dance and really thought nothing of it... Why would we? We had no chance of pregnancy, right? On the 19th I had some bad cramps on my right side. Then on the 20th and 21st I had some bleeding. I wondered what that could have been then remembered about the cyst. I went to see my family dr and she ordered an ultrasound for 1 week later. But I total forgot to go. My cycle continued normal no more cramping, or bleeding until the 2nd of March when I noticed some more spotting that stained my undies but nothing more than that. I usually start spotting 2-3 days prior to my period so I though nothing of it.. We spent the weekend of the 3rd of March with our niece and had so much fun. I realized that weekend that I was at a good weight now to keep up with her and was so happy I had had the surgery. On March 6th my period was due. It did not show up. I was having some cramping so thought it was on it's way. When it did not show up by Thursday Adam bought a test. I thought it was a waste of money...again. But, I took it. I left it in the bathroom and three minutes later I asked Adam to check it. I could not bare to see another hpt with only 1 line. He yelled from the bathroom "how many lines should there be?" "One," I said "because I am NOT pregnant!" He came out of the bathroom holding the stick in his hand and said to me "Baby, you're pregnant!" I was so much in shock I told him to stop lying to me that it was not funny to joke about that and I ripped the stick out of his hand only to be faced with a stick with 2 lines. I fell to my knees and wept. I could not believe it. We went to the dr's the next day and we were given the confirmation. Our families to say the least are so happy for us. My mother and father are over the moon... their first grand baby is due Novemeber 13th. My father's father, my beloved Zaidie's birthday was November 14th. I am still in somewhat disbelief. I have no symptoms just some cramping. But I am only 5 weeks along so I am sure the sickness will start in the next couple weeks.

I AM PREGNANT.