We had our phone consult yesterday. It went just as I thought it would. Dr Phillips said that he did not know what happened in the cycle. He does not know if my eggs are bad or if it was just a bad cycle... he knows the issue is not my age, he thinks my weight change should have made the cycle better than worse. So really he can't tell us what will happen in a future cycle. Just what I thought he would tell me. I explained to him where we were in the journey and that we were thinking about moving forward with adoption because I did not feel that using the 6grand towards our cycle at this time was productive when if it did not work we would have nothing to fall back on. He told me that if he were in my shoes he would do the same thing. He told me the door is always open to us and that when we are ready to try again he is ready with a new course of action for us. Which is clomophiene fsh and hcg protocol. He wished us lots of luck and transfered me to the director. When I spoke to her I broke down a bit, she told me that I was making the right decision for us at this point in our lives and that many of their patients who move to adopt come back and say that they should have done that sooner. She said our money will be in the mail with in 2 weeks and to keep her posted about our journey. I told her once I am in a better frame of mind we will be back. She said she looked forward to it.
It was a moment of panic when I realized that I really was closing the door to my infertilty (for now) but then I saw that a new door was opening and behind that door without a doubt I see a baby in our future, already I feel so much more positive about this choice. For three years I have defined my life with infertility well no more... I mean I will always suffer from infertility but I am not allowing it to harbour itself in my soul anymore. I am now a hopeful adoptive mother. So to be an awaiting adoptive mother.
We went to have our police clearances and our finger printing done yesterday too. We were very lucky that in Harrow they don't charge you for either of those things if you are adopting. So that saved us about $50. Now we have to send our fingerprints in to the RCMP. That takes about 3 months. So just as our home study comes to an end. This is coming together for us.