In 2004 my mother in law passed away. She had lung cancer. I miss her everyday and as the birth of our son fastly approaches I miss her more. She was the type of woman who had a strength about her that was admirable. She was quiet but had the best laugh. I miss her laugh. She was not at all your typical mother in law. She never medaled and even when her opinion was asked she would just say whatever you think. She had a great sense of humour and would sit in a crowd observing what was going on then all of a sudden she would come out with these one liners that would crack us up so much when we least expected it. She loved to go for rides and she would go out ot dusk with the hopes that she would see some deer. Her drives were fondly called her deer hunts. I remember this one ride we were on about 3 months before she died. There was her driving, Adam riding shot gun, my nephew, Adam's aunt, and I in the middle seat and my sister in law was riding on a stool in the very back of the van! It was quite a sight. Well my mother in law liked to drive fast... a characteristic her son and daughter have inherited, and this day was no exception to that. However, she was still looking for her deer so she was having a hard time staying on the road and my sister in law was having a hard time staying on her stool. At this point my sister in law leans over the seat and whispers to myself and our aunt... "Mom, knows she dying so she's trying to take us with her!" Well we laughed so hard. Then about 5 minutes later my mother in law turns to her daughter and says..."A, If you're afraid of falling out why don't you just trade places with Tammy!" Well then we laughed even harder. I knew at that point that I was an accepted part of the family. A few months later my mother in law and I went for a ride around the island just the two of us. We talked about life, and kids and how Adam hoped to be pregnant soon and how I was sad that she would miss it. I told her that if we would have a son we would call him Jacob and she said the name out loud and then smiled and said "Ilike that name." Then we just sat in silence and watched some fireworks that were going off in the village where Adam grew up. We did not have to say anymore to eachother. We were at peace in the knowledge that we loved and respected eachother. That was the last time I saw before she died. I was not there when she died. I thought she needed to have that moment with her son and daughter soley and they did not need me there. Plus she had said that she did not want any sadness and boo-hooing around her and I could not even speak to her on the phone near the end without breaking down so I would have been kicked out before I even walked over the treshold of the hospital room. Even our brother in law could not be there because he is a mush too. My husband and his sister are stronger than that and could, to honour their mom hold back their tears. I respect them for that. Especially knowing them both I know how hard that must have been for them. I know that once she took her last breath, they both lost it. Understandably so. Anyway my point to this post was to say that today I found a picture of my mother in law that had her sister and 2 nieces in it and I took it to the photo lab and had them cropped out and made a nice picture of just her. I have framed it and put it in the baby's room. I think it is important for Jacob to know who she is and just how wonderful a woman she was. I feel cheated for Jacob that he will not know her.
Our nephew, who has his grandma's personality was playing with a friend of his in the living room of my sister in law's home. Behind the boys was a collage picture that our aunt had made for her with all pictures of her mother. Our nephew (who was about 5.5 years old at the time) turns to his friend and points to the picture on the wall behind them and says to him "You see those pictures?, they're all my dead grandma!" My sister in law just about died laughing. So I think it's important for Jacob to have a picture of his "dead grandmother" too. I think she would like that too.
I know that she watching over us right now as she has since she died. But, I miss her so much.
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