Here I go, again! I am starting over with this weight loss journey. I need to loose about 60 pounds. I am starting today. In prepration for this, I have cut my diet pop consumption in half, started an exersice program. O.K. so it's Richard Simmons "Sweating to the Oldies" but at least I am moving, right? I have yet to loose the baby weight I gained when I was pregnant for Benjamin and he is going to be four in August. I would like to have another baby and I know that it is the excess weight that is holding me back. My kids are getting so big. I am loving watching them grow and go through the different stages of their lives. Jacob is in school full-time and likes it, a little! :) Benjamin was in pre-school and now we are just waiting for him to start Junior Kindergarten in the Fall. Crazy to think that my babies are growing up so fast. I have made the decision this year to step out of my comfort zone. As a result of this, I went back to school to fulfill a dream of mine to become an Esthetician. I am loving the course and am looking forward to be finished at the end of July. I also audtioned to be in a 50's-60's musical review and I made the cut to be in the chorus! I am so excited. I can not wait. Life has been good save for the odd hiccup now and then.

Wow, I just realized it has been 9 months since my last post. Long enough to have a baby...unfortunately that did not happen! But, I have managed to loose 17 pounds. I am very happy with that. I am a third of the way to my goal. I have just over 30 pounds to loose to get to my "goal."
I have joined the gym and paid for a personal trainer in the pool. I love it. I go twice a week and they also assist me with better eating plans. Which I still struggle with, but have been making better choices. I need to start drinking water. I am addicted to Diet Pepsi. It is like my drug.
My boys are wonderful and getting so big. Jacob starts school in September and Ben will start preschool at the same school. I will have two days free for me. I wonder what I will do with my time??? I am sure I will find lots to do. Like CLEAN!
We finally got our settlement. It was a fair amount of money and we have had lots of fun since getting it. We bought a pop up trailer and a new Dodge Ram truck to haul it. We have been camping a couple times and enjoy it a lot. The boys love camping too.
I am so happy with my life and even though some days my husband drives me crazy, I could not imagine travelling this journey with anyone else. Our life is exactly what I dreamt about when I was child.
I had laser eye surgery in July and it took a lot longer for my heals than I thought it would. For about 3.5 weeks I was very sorry I had it done. But since then my eyes have been improving and I am so happy. We went to Great Wolf Lodge this past weekend and it was so nice not to have to worry aboout glasses and not being able to see.
I am going to try to be better at thsi blogging thing going forward.

We celebrated Jacob turning three this weekend. I am still in awe of this fact. I can not believe he is three already. When did this happen? The time has gone by so darn fast. He is so sweet and funny. He talks so much now and just loves to perform. Gee, I wonder where he gets that from? He loves trains and dinosaurs and recieved some of both for his birthday. My parents bought him a train table and my mom and I decorated an extra room in our basement in a train motif. It looks amazing.
I am so happy for some friends of ours who had a baby girl last night after having two boys at home already. What a blessing for them.
Benjamin has become quite the character. He chatters all the time although we rarely know what he is saying. He signs for more, all done, milk and thank-you. With more and all done being his most frequently used signs. It is quite adorable to see him use them. He runs everywhere now and tries so hard to keep up with Jake. Jake, on the other hand could care less if he has a brother or not. I certainly hope he grows out of that.
We had a nice Hallowe'en. Jacob was Spiderman and Benjamin was a baby chick. They both were so cute. Jake at first did not want to go Trick or Treating. He wanted to stay home and watch a movie instead! Once we convinced to go to a few houses he was hooked and was out til almost 9pm. Next year, he has told me, he wants to be a dinosaur and he thinks it would be a great idea if Benjamin is a paleantologist! LOL. So my mom is gearing up to sew a T-Rex costume! Anything for her Jakey.
Still struggling to make better food choices. I know this will be something I toy with all my life. But other than that we are hanging in there...

Nothing and everything is new.
Ben has turned one and started walking at 10.5 months! He has such a funny personality and is very rough! I guess he has to be in order to keep up with his big brother.
We had a fairly large birthday party for him...about 72 people in the local park with pony rides. It was a nice day. Ben had fun.
I had this grand idea to go back to work. That lasted less than 2 months. I am home again and right where I should be. I don't know what I was thinking. I missed being with the boys so much. The boys went to Montessori while I was at work and they really loved it. We have decided to keep Jake in two days a week since he loves going. I think it will be great for him since he starts Juniour Kindergarten next Spetember already. I also like the thought of having some alone time with Ben.
Adam and I hit a rough spot in May and nearly split up. After much soul searching and determination we have turned our love around and realized what is important in our lives. Having a healthy, together family. We have been working very hard to be better for one another and communicate better.
Adam was off work from December to July. He did pick up a temporary gig that paid 1/3less than is regular job that helped a bit. But it was a very difficult 7 months. That did not help our marital issues.
I am still struggling with making healthy/better food choices. I still have to get 50pounds off. I can get very down on myself... I only have myself to blame for eating CRAP! I will get my shit together.
We have started trying for baby number 3. We want the children to be close in age and with me not getting any younger...it's now or never. We have agreed to give it 9 months and if we are not pregnant by then Adam will have a vasectomy. So cross your fingers we are meant to have another baby. I am very happy and grateful with the family we have been gifted. So if it does not happen I will certainly not be unhappy. Our two little boys are amazingly wonderful and we are so blessed.
Jacob has grown up so much. I can not believe he is going to be three. He is such a little man with a big heart and a big temper! He is so much like I was at as a child. He is the spitting image of me physically and a real chip of the ole block in every other way. It is sweet revenge for my parents who watch from the sidelines and just laugh. I guess that's the fun about being a granparent! LOL.
Anyway, for anyone who still comes to check out my sweet and simple life. Hello. And here's what been happening!

I need to loose 52 pounds. I have to loose 52 pounds. I want to loose 52 pounds. So now the tough part...how to do it? Ok so knowing how to do it, and doing it are two different things.
I am so angry with myself. I had gastric bypass and thought I had the world by the tail. I had found the serect tool to waight loss and would never have to struggle with weight again. How naive of me to think that. I did not deal with the reasons why I eat. I am starting to do that now. I have joined BANA. Bulima Anorexia Nervose Association. Yes, I know I am neither of those things..but they deal with all eating disorders and I have been diagnised with Binge Eating Disorder. I am going to get to the bottom of this so that not only can I get to my health weight...but, I can get to my healthy self. I need to do this for myself and for my children. I do not want them to have to deal with these food issues. I want healthy children- mentally as well as physically.
Another thing...I will not have another baby until I loose 52 pounds... and I want another so badly. So this is for that new baby too.
I will be posting here more frequently now.. I see the BANA councellor tomorrow so I will post any ah-ha moments I have.
Something needs to be done and I have to be the one to do it. I have hit rock bottom and I will be the one to lift myself up out of the darkness.

They went in backwards... so Birth is at the bottom...1.5 months and then today at the top...
He is so funny.
I will post more later... All is well.

So I know I have been very neglectful..but since July our computer has been down and hubby just sat down to fix it last night.
As you have guessed...our son has been born.
We chose to name him Benjamin Saul.
He was born 2 weeks 5 days early on August 27th at 2:45AM He was tiny...weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces and was 18 inches long. He is perfect and wonderful.
Jacob has tunred two and has adjusted well to being a big brother. He calls the Ben...My Baby and wants to hug, hold and kiss him all the time.
It has been an adjustment but has gone quite well. Ben started sleeping 6 hours at night at 4 weeks and by 8 weeks we was sleeping 8 hours. How could I complain about that?
Since our computer was down I have not had a chance to download any pictures of him...once I do you will see him. He is beautiful. He is very different from Jake. Hard to imagine they are brothers. LOL.
I am struggling with my weight. I have been making very poor food choices. I need to fix myself or I am at risk of gaining my weight back. I am scared.
I promise to be better at posting now that I can.