We went to Frankenmuth this weekend. Yummy!!! I love it there. We just went to eat. It was their ice fest this weekend but the weather was so warm that all the ice sculptures were melted. The food was scrumptious!!! We went to the Jockey Store because I needed some new undies... The last ones I bought were size 11 now I am wearing size 7 and I bought the Hipster style instead of the french cut.
It was also my cousin's daughter's third b-day party. What a hoot. She was so cute.

We have been approved by the Clinic to adopt embryos. I spoke to Dr Phillips yesterday and he gave me his approval. Today I communicated with the director and she has placed us on the waiting list but knows that we can not accept embryos until the end of February. I can not try to get pregnant until August(because of my surgery) and we would have to use the embyros within 6 months. So once again we are waiting. I hope this path in our journey brings us to parenthood. I am not allowing myself to get too excited because we have had so many disappointments in the past with our journey. I want to be excited but I am reserving it.
We went to Barix yesterday, Dr Pop was very happy with my mom's progress and said she was doing well but encourages her to move more. He has made it my job to get her going. LOL. He asked me how I was doing and asked me how much weight I had lost I told him I was down 72 pounds and had 54 to go. He told me to reconsider that number judging by the way I look. He says he doesn't want me to be too thin. Barix thinks I should be 135, which I think is not too shabby. I will take it one pound at a time till I get there then see what I feel like. I just don't want to gain too much back and be out of my BMI.

I am down about 5 pounds this month. I have been having a hard time staying on track with work outs and such. I just joined (and paid 130) a water training class at my gym. It is a 6 week, 12 session class that focuses on cardio and toning. The instructor, who I have known most of my life is a tyrant (and I say that with the utmost love and adoration) so I know it will be a great workout. She will kick my ass and I will love her for it. I have to remember to take my measurements before I start, just in case I build muscle and don't loose weight right away I can tell my progress from that. I am looking very forward to it. I need to get back on track. My new years resolutions have gone to the wayside I drank some pop and ate some junk but, I am trying to not do it everyday. I am still working hard at not biting my nails and doing ok. I just find they break because they are so weak. I have really not been biting them at all. I even have some free edge on most of them.
Adam and I have decided to hault the adoption process for now. We have access to a program at our fertility clinic that will allow us to (hopefully) achieve a pregnancy. It is a Donor Frozen Embryo Program: A program whereby couples donate their frozen embryos to anonymous recipient couples, usually after the donating couple have achieved pregnancy(ies) and completed their family. So the child will not be related to us biologically but, it is a lot easier, costs less, has no scrutiny or red tape and we get to experience a pregnancy and birth together. I will be speaking the doctor at our clinic then we have to fill out some forms. We have to go on a waiting list (much like we would with adoption) and no one knows how long we will wait but at least we know we have a chance of parenthood.
So that is what is new with us.

WOW I have 54.5 pounds to go and I am at my goal. I am very happy about that. I went shopping yesterday and bought a size 14 pants that when I pick them up off the rack I said to myself "goal pants". When I got home and showed my mom she said try them on Tammy. I said yeah right mom but anyway thought for a good laugh I would. OMG they fit. They were a tiny bit small but as my loving hubby said to me.... it's not like we can see your camel toe. LOL. So I guess they were ok. I think I will wait for about 5 more pounds before I really wear them but they were 7.50 so I may go back and buy the size 10 they had so that in the spring I will be wearing those.
My mom is going to the police station to pick up our police clearances today. We still have to send out our fingerprints, I think we will do that Friday this week.
Once we have the books read... should be by the end of this month... we will make our appointment with our practitioner and be on our way with our home study. We had to write out a fire evacuation plan so I was telling Adam that I was not sure how to write it. He was so funny he said here Tam I'll make it real easy for you. Just write.... Get the F*%& Out!!! LOL. Its not like our house is so big. It's all on one floor and very open concept. You can see both doors from just about every room anyway. But I got it done and its hanging up in our utility box. LOL.
Also, our siding is going in today. I have to update my pics so I will do that this weekend and I will take some pictures of our house too. I will put the before and after photos up. I can't wait to see it.
My best friend just found out she is pregnant again. She had a miscarraige last year which was very devasting of coarse. I was asked to be God Mother. So I am so excited for her and her family. I am now an expectant God Mother. I can live vicariuosly through her. I will be going to be with her for the birth. I can't wait.

We had our phone consult yesterday. It went just as I thought it would. Dr Phillips said that he did not know what happened in the cycle. He does not know if my eggs are bad or if it was just a bad cycle... he knows the issue is not my age, he thinks my weight change should have made the cycle better than worse. So really he can't tell us what will happen in a future cycle. Just what I thought he would tell me. I explained to him where we were in the journey and that we were thinking about moving forward with adoption because I did not feel that using the 6grand towards our cycle at this time was productive when if it did not work we would have nothing to fall back on. He told me that if he were in my shoes he would do the same thing. He told me the door is always open to us and that when we are ready to try again he is ready with a new course of action for us. Which is clomophiene fsh and hcg protocol. He wished us lots of luck and transfered me to the director. When I spoke to her I broke down a bit, she told me that I was making the right decision for us at this point in our lives and that many of their patients who move to adopt come back and say that they should have done that sooner. She said our money will be in the mail with in 2 weeks and to keep her posted about our journey. I told her once I am in a better frame of mind we will be back. She said she looked forward to it.
It was a moment of panic when I realized that I really was closing the door to my infertilty (for now) but then I saw that a new door was opening and behind that door without a doubt I see a baby in our future, already I feel so much more positive about this choice. For three years I have defined my life with infertility well no more... I mean I will always suffer from infertility but I am not allowing it to harbour itself in my soul anymore. I am now a hopeful adoptive mother. So to be an awaiting adoptive mother.
We went to have our police clearances and our finger printing done yesterday too. We were very lucky that in Harrow they don't charge you for either of those things if you are adopting. So that saved us about $50. Now we have to send our fingerprints in to the RCMP. That takes about 3 months. So just as our home study comes to an end. This is coming together for us.

We will be going on the 12th to have our finger prints taken and to start the local police clearance. The books we need to read before our first meeting will be in on Wednesday and I was pleasantly surprised to see that the library had all three of the books we needed. The police station was also very co-operative. I know there may be some hiccups along the way but, so far there are less road blocks with this then when we were facing our fertility treatments.
I have been thinking about when would be appropriate to start setting up our nursery. I am afraid to so too soon because walking by it may be just a little to painful. I just don't want to be running around like a chicken with my haed caught off at the last moment. I know we have a great support system so if we needed help all our family and friends would rally for us. I am just hopefully excited to get to that stage. I had a chat with my mom last night about the shower... Because of the 30 days the birth parents have to change their minds I would not want to have a baby shower until after that point. She totally agreed with me and said the would be afraid to even look at the baby for that 30 days because she would not want to fall in love with him/her (which would inevitably happen) to only have her heart broken in the end. I told her the instances of that happening are low.
Anyway things are starting to come together.

These are the New Years resolutions I have decided to make this year...
Since every year before this one I was going to loose my unsightly weight and never did, this year I will vow to do the following:

• Stop biting my nails
• Eat no sugar free junk food until Easter
• Visit the gym at least 4 times a week
• Meet protein and liquids goal everyday
• Remember to take my vitamins everyday....
• And finish the home study process so that we are closer to bringing our bambino home to us.

Wish me luck.


We had a really fun time on New Year's Eve. We ate too much and laughed a lot. But it was nice. We were glad to have a quite cheap night. Next year, with our new bodies we might just go out to show off though. LOL.
Our Hanukkah meal was a great success too. We played the dreidel game and again ate too much. Adam made the meatballs and had to modify the recipe with splenda and it turned out great. the Knish were really yummy. They were a team effort. We really worked well together. Wonders never cease. LOL. I think everyone had a nice time.
My cousin's girlfriend is so great. I hope they get married. I think they will.
I have noticed that my hair has started to fall out. I have to really start getting in my protein more consitently.
Other than that Dr Pop was very pleased with my check up.